They say time heals all wounds. I’m not so sure.

I can’t imagine, at this point, not having sorrow.

I’ve had my share, of grief in my life. I lost my best friend that I grew up with in an auto accident when we were 17. I’ve lost my parents, my stepmother, and several dear friends. But none of these “passing’s” has affected me as profoundly as losing Ben.

And I’ve spent the last several weeks wrestling with that.

I think the circumstance of Ben’s disappearance makes this more difficult. With all the other losses in my life, we had closure. We buried our loved ones, and moved on. I understand that. With our work, Ben and I understood that each project had a defined beginning, a middle and an end.

But this….This is like the band that won’t get off the stage long after their set time. Like a darn hippie band that goes on and on and on. You’re unable to pull the power, unable to turn off the lights, unable to go home.

I’ve spent the last several weeks wrestling with the disappearance of my best friend. I’ve had to deal with the many mysteries of the circumstances, holes in the investigation, indifference of those surrounding Ben, lack of answers – All these things fueling my fountain of sorrow.

They say time heals all wounds. No, I don’t believe that. Time is indifferent to the human heart. It’s not time that heals all wounds. I think witness heals all wounds..

Witness is the ability of a man to literally beam with what he believes...

We all witnessed the collapse of the twin towers – we did not witness the fireman who gave their lives trying to save people. Through our daily lives we, and those around us, are bearing witness of our true self. It’s often misunderstood, often goes un-noticed. Those little deeds, kind acts, hateful words – all those things that define who we are.

Through it all, the thing that I admired most about Ben was his witness. The way he always smiled, the way he was always nice to people, his infectious good nature and positive attitude. His ability to make the best of any situation. I think its Bens witness to the world that will heal the wounds.

After 12 years of being roommates, you get to know a little bit about a guy. Really, you could say we were more like brothers. Brothers by choice, not by blood, which I think is a stronger bond.

When I met Ben, he was living out of his car. I took him in like a lost puppy. But he wasn’t lost. He was confident and adventurous. He looked to my experience and I treated him like a little brother.

Our bond grew due to a common work ethic of loyalty and hard work... When he took on a task, he saw it through to the end no matter how difficult, and always with a smile. When he didn’t get help, he would do it himself, always jumping in. He would motivate people simply by doing the work himself. He was bearing witness.

So, where did that come from?

The ability to have a light shine that bright could only come from inner peace.

Ben was a very spiritual person. Oh, he may not have been particularly religious, meaning he wasn’t much of a church goer, but he would attend an occasional bible study, an occasional service. For us – in this business, Sunday morning starts around noon.

But he read the bible every morning.

That’s what I meant when I said “the thing I admired most about Ben was his witness”. Despite this crazy business we’re in, despite the sex, drugs and rock and roll, Ben was steadfast. I won’t say he was a “fisher among men”, in the true sense. Both of us had our issues with organized religion. And it’s not like we sat around the house having bible study or prayer meetings. But, once in a while, maybe watching TV and some show comes on such as a piece on the DaVince code, or lost books of the Bible, or “Tortilla found in Mexico with likeness of the Virgin Mary”, we would have our discussions. And I’d get a glimpse of Ben’s light. And it’s that light- that I was searching for down on that Island. That’s why I wrote a post to him saying “shine the light, I’m coming to get you”.

But we never found his light. His light was gone. So what we’re left with is the memory of his light – his witness.

So I suppose - in that, maybe he was a fisher among men. He led by example.

And I believe he had the ability to bear witness because, long ago, he made his peace with God.

And that sustained him his whole life. Through everything that was good or bad, he felt it was by design, and he was ok with that.

And that peace gave him the ability to smile, be kind, and handle anything he encountered. It gave Ben that “no fear” attitude people often mistook for recklessness. But he wasn’t reckless. He knew that whatever happens; happens. That’s what makes it believable that he might scurry up a rock face on an Island 2000 miles away, without fear.

And, it seems cruel that he would not consider how his actions might affect others. They affected me. I miss my friend….

But in the end, in those last few moments of your time, there’s no more IPods, no more cell phones, game boys, no more rock shows, not even your friends.

It’s just you and your creator.

And I know….I know, Ben was welcomed home.

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